Moving Ahead....Adoption Course & Homestudy Started

We have completed our first 2 home visits (out of 5) and the first 2 (out of 9) sessions of a course we have to take in order to be approved for adoption. This is exciting now that we're finally active in the process, rather than simply waiting until our names reached the top of the list for the course.
At the same time we have been having lots of stress related to our jobs. I would appreciate prayers for that situation.
Our house has sold. While I am sad, because when we bought this house, we had planned to raise a family here, it is also relieving to have the stressor of a house almost gone. However, this leaves lots of unknowns in our lives (which is also hard).
My work schedule has made it hard for me to keep updated on here and at times when I do have time, I feel I have nothing to share that isn't depressing. I miss you - my blog friends. Longing to connect with others out there.  

IUIs done

Well, we tried another two IUI cycles this year. The first one was negative and the second one got cancelled because my body wasn't responding properly and the folicle was growing very slowly and then started to shrink. I was very devestated because that was our last one we had agreed to try. I couldn't go back to work that day.
We are now taking the course we need to take in order to adopt, which is exciting...a new journey.

Another IUI on the Horizon...

I've got one follicle growing still and am due to have another IUI likely in a few days. We've taken  a year off since our last tries with follitropin injections. The emotional rollercoaster was too much. We did 3 IUIs in the past and one other cycle that failed. I want to be hopeful. It is is hard. My husband is trying to be extra hopeful these days.
Last Sunday, we were encouraged to write down something we knew we should give to God. I wrote down "my infertility". This is a constant battle for me as it constantly weighs on me and I need to learn to daily give it to God. I want to be okay with whatever He has for my future...but I want to have children so badly. How do I get to that place of being content no matter what happens in terms of my fertility? I trust God, but how do I TRUST GOD fully???

Starting up and getting shot down....

I've waited a year to start up IUIs again. Yesterday I went for my appointment to get my meds. and start injections only to find out that we can't do anything this cycle. I have a cyst on my right ovary now too and the doctor said ovaries are like real estate, so the spot is already taken up and there is no point in doing a round this month. My left ovary is occupied by a dermoid cyst and has been since I started treatment, so it's out of the running as usual. I am so disappointed. I cried and cried last night after work. I'm so low. Now I have to wait over another month (since my cycles are so stinking long!). I have been waiting to start things up again just to feel that we're trying with some, even the smallest amount of hope. Now I will fear every time that I might have a cyst come out of nowhere that will halt the whole thing. Hopefully it's gone next cycle, but I'm afraid what if it isn't. I can't wait forever!

Artsy Corner: To Brighten Your Day

Thanks, Noelle, for your encouragement on yesterday's post. That next comment labelled "anonymous" was from my husband. What a cutie. He saw me working on my blog and wanted to comment too. :)

Today I have something a little brighter to share. I was feeling crafty and decided to experiment with some flowers made of twisted scraps of fabric. Here is the result.

Another Year....31 Now

Well, I've done it. I've been a part of the blogging world for over a year now, although I haven't written as much as I'd like to. When I look back at my most recent posts, they are depressing and it's a wonder anyone wants to read them. Sorry. So, thanks to those that have stuck by me or joined me on my not so joyous journey of late. I've felt I don't have much to say other then depressing things and besides that, my job is my life right now, and due to confidentiality, I can't talk about that either.
To add to that, I have a confession to make, I'm no longer 30 and Patiently Waiting. Sadly, I'm 31 and Impatiently STILL Waiting (and Feeling Hopeless). 
I've hit a low time in my life again. I seem to get down in the winter months. When I feel depressed, I feel it stems back to my infertility and desperate desire to have children to call our own. We are considering starting fertility treatments up again as it's been about a year since we did our last IUI. However, I'm afraid I won't cope well with my stressful 3 weeks of the month live-in job plus the injectable hormones. I just really want to be trying again. We are going to make a few changes some within our job and I hope these will help me cope better with daily life and allow me to start fertility treatments again.
Thanks again to those who have stuck by me and commented on my posts. The changes that have occurred in our lives over these last 6 months have left me feeling more alone and more separated from friends and with feeling depressed, I'm not in the mood to reach out.

Another Announcement Out of the Blue

Regarding the planned visit mentioned in my last post. Despite the fact I didn't think I could deal, I ended up saying I would go meet her. It turned out that there was too much snow so she didn't think we could meet up. There you go, all of that stressing about it for nothing.
Yesterday morning I was briefly online and a friend started chatting with me. She ends up telling me she is pregnant again. Their first child is just over 1 year old. Of course this upset me. I was expecting another announcement today from someone else, which never really came out in the open. So this is announcement #3 within about one month. I can't take this anymore. I really can't.
We heard a talk about conflict's place in our lives. It's there. Life isn't going to be easy. I've just hoped too much and can't let myself hope anymore.