Wednesday, April 14, 2010

BFN

BFN (Big Fat Negative) Again! :(

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Yesterday's Whisper of Hope

Re: My Last Post
Continuation....
Yesterday morning while driving, I kept thinking about the thoughts from my last post. Basically, in my head, I was asking God to show me a sign of this hope and (in addition, wishfully, hoping for a sign of hope that I might be pregnant too, of course). You need to know I'm not the sort of person who asks for "signs" often. Anyhow...

Someone unexpected approached me today and handed me a book, on a hunch. She had covered the book to keep it private. The thoughts going around my head were, "I hope she doesn't think I'm pregnant and I'm about to open a book all about pregnancy. That would be just what I need!" (sacrasm)

I opened it puzzled...It was an infertility book! She said she had just finished reading it last night and found it really helpful as they've been dealing with IF. I couldn't believe it. I had never told her previously what we were dealing with. As soon as I started to speak, of course my eyes welled up. We exchanged a few IF facts and she talked more about the book. I thanked her so much for the book and said I really appreciated her approaching me to tell me this, because it often feels lonely. Although we don't know each other well, this has seemed to spark almost and instant connection that I hope will continue. (And it made my day!)

Driving later in the day, I got in the car to hear The David Crow.der Band's song, "Oh, How you Lov.e Me" (don't even know if that's the official title...but it's the chorus). Now it's not unusual that this might be playing on my CD because it is my favourite song on there. Love the lyrics! Speak love to my heart every time. Anyhow, I listened to it over and over again all the way home. I realized that my prayer from this morning - a sign of hope - had been answered by this person. It was a total God thing! While, I don't have exact words per say, I could just sense God speaking to my heart. I felt that I was being told I wasn't alone in this - due to God's presence and others walking the same path. It was such a blessing. This was a major thing for me. I've felt alone and God has felt distant, even though I KNOW he's always with me.

My husband could tell I was having a good day when I picked him up from work. I was, as he said, "radiant" (of course I thought...maybe I'm pregnant), but I guess he was just seeing the sparkle of hope God had "whispered" to me today. Thank you, God! My husband also pointed out that it was an answered prayer from like a month ago when I was feeling really lonely...I said, ya, God has answered that one more than once now.

May you hear God "whispering" hope to you in some little way, where ever you are in your journey.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

He Can Whisper Hope into My Heart

I am feeling every little flutter and fluctuation in my body down there these day and get so hopeful this might be the month. Don't want to get ahead of myself. It becomes a one-more-week-wait tomorrow!


I was reading the passage about God showing Elijah his power and then passing by him with a "gentle whisper" (I Kings 19). I was reading this the other day at work. On the drive home, I had this sense that if God can speak to Elijah like that, He can whisper hope into my heart. (Also, hoping he has whispered a little one into being in me.)

Wanting to be hopeful, but at other moments, afraid to hope too much.
Need to try and trust.
~ Patiently Waiting