Left out of the club I had wanted to join...

We spent last evening with 3 of my old roommates, their hubbies, and kids....lots of kids (6, with another on the way)! I enjoyed every moment holding the two babies and got a few wonderful smiles and giggles out of the one. After eating, the rest of the evening was spent deciding tomorrow's plans amongst themselves with the kids and watching them bathe 5 of the young-ins. I find conversation hard to initiate with so many little people around, maybe that's because I don't have kids and a "kid-brain or "pregnancy brain." I was coping quite well until it came time for some of them to leave and others to go to bed. There were the three moms instructing their freshly washed and pyjama-ed kids to say goodnight and give hugs to everyone ---kids, babies, and adults. It was kind of cute, but that's when my eyes fought back the tears because it was most apparent that I was the one left out. Oh, yes, they gave me, "auntie," a hug too, but that I wasn't in the "Mommy Club" with all the old roommates. I don't have a little one to care for that fills my world. No one noticed my eyes gloss over with tears. I just kept holding the youngest baby who was sleeping peacefully sprawled out in my lap. Not a proud mother am I. There was no one to call me mom or whose eyes lit up and heads turned at the sound of my voice. I was left out of the club I had wanted to join long before some of them even wished to belong!