No Mini Versions of Us

I love photographs. I love taking them. I love seeing a shot and wishing I had my camera. I love admiring photographs that other people took. F.acebook is appealing to me because I love photos....so I enjoy looking at other people's family photos. It hit me today that it isn't just that I find it hard to see pictures of other people's kids. It's the fact that as I look at them I'm thinking things like, "Oh, he looks just like his dad." or "I can see both his parent in that one." It's the reminder that I won't be able to say that about my children. Our kids aren't going to have my smile, my husband's nose, or look just like one of us. It makes me sad. I'm sure once we adopt and hold our little one in our arms, that won't matter anymore, but right now looking at other's photos constantly reminds me of that fact.

Children's Books About Adoption

I got the children's adoption books I ordered the other day.
Here are my thoughts and a little bit of a summary of each:

A Blessing from Above By: Patti Henderson (A Little Golden Book) --> I absolutely love it! It's about a kangaroo with an empty pouch who prayed that her pouch would one day be filled. She notices other animals caring for their young. She catches a baby bird that fell from the nest. The mother bird realizes that she doesn't have enough room for them all in the nest and she is glad the baby bird is cared for.

A Mother for Choco By: Keiko Kasza (Picture Puffins) --> I love this one as well. It is about a lonely bird who is looking for a mother. Choco asks a variety of animals if they are his mother...and they all reply that they don't have a certain physical feature that Choco does. Choco cries and Mrs. Bear comes running and asks what a mother would do to help. Mrs. Bear does all these things (it's very sweet) and offers to be Choco's mother. Choco accepts and goes home with her to see that all her other children don't look like Mrs. Bear either (a pig, alligator, and a hippo). The illustrations are quite cute. :)

My Adopted Child, There's No One Like You By: Dr. Kevin Leman (Revell Books) --> This book is about a black and white panda bear who has to do a family tree as a school project. He is not excited about this task as he knows his family is different. His parents are brown bears, and he is a panda. His mother explains the day he was adopted. The book explictly talks about adoption and uses the word. She describes adoption as "the most loving thing someone can do." The book also talks about God making families. I'd say it is a wonderful book for children in about grade 2 or 3.

The Day We Met You By: Phoebe Koehler (Aladdin Picture Books) --> It is a very simple book which talks about the day the parents got the call. Then it goes through listing all the things they got ready (bought, borrowed, or were given) for the new baby. Then they go to get the baby and immediately knew they loved the baby.        

Finally, an announcement that didn't throw me for a loop!

I found out yesterday that an extended family member was having a c-section today. I didn't even know she was pregnant. Somehow people forgot to tell me. I think it was an honest mistake. It was the first pregnancy announcement in a while I didn't cry about. Anyhow, I am happy for her as these last few years have been extremely challenging for several reasons.
Today, I'm feeling pretty good. I started working out almost two weeks ago. I'm trying to make a real routine of it and it feels good. You have to know that this isn't me, so it's a pretty big step. Last week I went all 5 week days!
I am very eager to have a child placed with us. We painted the room for the baby (I hope!) last week. My Dad came and helped. He's wonderful! I also got some great baby garage sale finds. I want to enjoy the anticipation stage, which is hard because it depends on the day, but having a room and starting to get things makes it seem like the time is finally here and keeps me hopeful. Maybe this will come back to haunt me if we have to wait a really long time for a placement, but we'll see. Any advice from those who have walked the fostering/adoption route?
I went online and found a bunch of great "adoption" storybooks for children. I have ordered them and can't wait to get them. (I love children's books.)
I was even excited to use the crock-pot for supper tonight! Wow, I must be feeling well! :) Man, this post is really random.
I would love to connect with some more bloggers walking a similar path....infertility....fostering or adoption! Please leave me a message so I can check out your blog too. Thanks!     

Adoption

I've seen this quote floating around online and I felt a little crafty today. I still need to frame it. :)

Do you want to get some kids?

After seeing the picture of a co-worker's grandchildren, on the computer in the middle of class, a primary aged child asked me, "Do you have any kids?" I replied, "No, I don't." The child immediately asked, "Do you want to get some [kids]?" I smiled at the question, but my heart ached. I thought, if only it was that easy to have a child! Oh, the innocense of children.
It turns out "having a child" isn't working for us and "getting one" sounds easier; however, it is not. Because of our physical move recently, we have switched from adoption to foster-to-adopt. Initially, when I had first started thinking about adoption, I thought that sounded ideal, but it wasn't available to us then. Now, having seen and experienced the "foster care system" through work, I am less sure of fostering-to-adopt. Switching to foster-to-adopt feels like another hurddle in our course. I'm so afraid of possibly losing a child that will eventaully be placed with us. I'm afraid of how taking the child to his/her family visits will affect me. And it just feels like even once we get a placement, we will have 2 more years of unknowns and possible hearbreaks. I thought blogging about this today might help me, but as I look past tears, I guess that's enough for today. Anyone who has foster-to-adopted have any advice? Hope? Encouragement on this path?
Thanks.

Waiting in too many ways...

Well, we left our jobs in late November and we sold our house and moved then too. We tried to de-stress and relax over the Christmas season with family. Later we then went on a cruise to really relax. (Which was wonderful!) Now we are continuing the job hunt. Not usually do both spouses quit and leave their job at once unless they already have something else planned (seems crazy!)...but due to the unique nature of the job we were in together, that's what we did. It feels like we've taken a hundred steps backward instead of forward. Our adoption process is basically complete and we're ready and waiting pretty much, except for the fact that all that is on hold due to not knowing where we will live and what jobs we will take. My husband has been offered a temporary job for about 6 months. We may take that for now just to put us in the area we want to live in. We're still deciding. While it has been nice to be off, it isn't under ideal circumstances. I want to be off with children. It feels like the time is somewhat wasted because I feel like I should be doing fertility treatments or adoption stuff or something useful...but everything is at a stand still until we decide where to live and find jobs! I am trying not to take the time forgranted and do things I want to do, like creative things (quilt, make necklaces, photography), but it is hard not to focus on what I don't have (a child, a job, a house, our close friends living locally, a sense of being settled somewhere, etc.) I need to quit trying to understand WHY God has us where he does right now and not be sorry for myself and just trust. It's hard. We've been trying for 5 years now.