I feel lonely...

I feel lonely. We were outside watering our garden and our new neighbours have friends over and they're having a good time in their backyard. I can hear them conversing. It makes me sad that we rarely have company. That is partially to the fact that I'm so stressed out a lot (and have been down this year) and I'm the social coordinator in our family. Our friends have children so that changes the gatherings. It is easier for us to go to their houses than them to come here. If they do come here, the night is shortened to take the kids home to bed. Another reminder that we have no kids.
I wrote the above part of this post last night and didn't get a chance to finish it.
Today my husband said to me that we need to get to know more people and make more friends and really establish roots if we are going to stay here.
I got a job offer last week. It was going to be the job that allowed us to move closer to family; however, what they had told me I'd make in the interview was not at all what they were financially able to offer me when they called and offered me the job. Their hands were tied by the board. Anyhow, that made the decision easy...that job was not for me. They could only propose to pay me for 1/2 of the years experience I have. It just didn't make sense considering my husband doesn't have a job there yet either. We had asked God to make it clear, and he did indeed! The job interview experience is always good. I find it energizing for the most part. I was honoured to have been offered the job anyhow.
I should go for now...

"God in my weeping...God in my healing..."

I recommend that you all look it up the song by Tim Hughes called "Everything." It moves me every time.

It talks about God being our everything. (Sounds simple, right?)

The lines that speaks to me most goes as follows:

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching

God in my waiting

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

I can barely sing through this part of the song even though I want to. It brings me to tears and while I mouth the words and my heart is singing, my voice pratically disappears..... God in my hoping....dreaming....watching....WAITING.....God in my laughing....weeping....hurting....HEALING.

May it be a blessing, encouragement and prayer your heart may also sing even if your lips can't audibly say the words. God is with us through all of our fertility hopes, dreams, waiting, hurts, tears, and healings.
He is God!

Questions Upon Questions

So much feels up in the air about our lives right now. I've been through so much this year already; I don't know if more change is good or bad, but it's overwhelming. At times it's exciting and other times sad and scarey.
Anyhow, we need to make a decision about next steps for IF treatments. IVF is the next step, but we're not sure. I am mostly concerned about the hormonal/emotional effects, since I didn't cope well on Puregon injectables for IUIs. Is IVF worse? I figure it has to be because you get pumped full of even more hormones. Anyone with experience out there to help me?
I'm also worried about the stress of it all. It feels so BIG!
Then there is the question of whether to freeze embryos or take the less successful rate of freezing eggs instead. Ahhh?
Also, when to do it? I'm just afraid to move on without trying everything we can, yet so afraid to do IVF too. It's not like a medical treatment that is critical to my survival, because in that case, it would just be decided by all involved that I should do it. It just seems so scarey to sign up for something like that willingly. You know what I mean?
And these are only my questions about IF and not everything else in my life right now.
It's so overwhelming!
God, we need direction, please!!! Some questions have to be answered. I can't handle questions on top of questions about EVERYTHING in my life!