Waiting

Well, I had thought things were moving along quickly with this IUI, but it's slowed up now. I'm waiting for my estrogen to get high enough. Follicle and all else seems good though. Soon....soon!

My husband and I have both realized that we did not give enough credit to the hormones I've been taking. They totally mess me up!!! I have a meltdown and cry about anything and everything, no matter how stupid or small. I am definately not myself. It will be a relief when this round is over. I'm not sure how long I can handle this IF stuff. It is overwhelming. Thankfully the IUI will be before I head back to work full-time. I am hopeful, yet also afraid to be hopeful.

I have joined a forum that I know some of you know about, Hannah's Prayer. It has been a huge encouragement already to be connecting with others walking the same types of path we're on. It has been an answer to prayer.

I've started back to work part-time. It feels like it is going slowly (the hormones don't help). It does feel good to be a professional again though. Guess that means I'm ready to go back.

I've started doing a 365 days of photographs challenge. I'm taking a pic a day (well, more than one, but choosing the best one) and posting it on a blog I started. I'm almost a week in and it is great! The other day at work, I just couldn't wait to get home and take my pics for the day. It's something creative that will bring me hope and health. It's my creative side that gets swept under the rug with the stress of work. Besides simply nurturing my creative side, it will also improve my photography skills. I'm shooting my second offical wedding this summer. Got to keep learning! :)

Gearing Up for Another Round, Friends, & Peace

Well, I start my next round of shots tomorrow as we prepare for another IUI. Now that I know they can be cancelled part way through (like last time), it gives me one more thing to worry about. I was really eager to start this round earlier in the month, but my cycle took so long, even with medication to bring it on. So, now we're starting just when I have to start back to work part-time. I am still hoping we squeeze the actual IUI in before I head back to work full-time. That would just make everything so much easier and less stressful with arranging a supply teacher, etc.

The other night, I hung out with a friend while my husband went to play hockey with her husband. I so appreciated her listening ear and the questions she thoughtfully and caringly asked. At the end, she prayed for me - a real heartfelt prayer - and at the end asked God for healing. It was so meaningful and since then, I have received more peace. She truly showed God's love in a real, intentional, and focused way and was a shoulder to cry on that lonely me needed. She even cried with me, which means so much. Thank you.

I've just felt lonely of late - especially since my mom's visit. Yes, I have other family and friends who know and support me - one of my girlfriends has called at least every other day if not every day some days when I've been at my lowest. That has meant a lot too, because I know she is so busy with her own family with 3 little ones. Two of my co-workers have taken me out twice to hang out, which was so thoughtful. I guess I just feel lonely because I know all of these people care and understand, but they aren't walking in my shoes. I just wish I could connect with someone in real life - who is going through what we are right now. I haven't felt like calling people, but I do long to hang out with others. I just haven't had the energy to initiate social outings these last few months.

A book I wanted to mention that I have found helpful as I struggle through this journey is called H.annah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss, by Jennifer S.aake. I am almost finished it. The other day I was reading and came across one of the author's prayers that spoke to me as what I should be praying and seeking God for. There was also a poem by R.ussell K.elfer called Wait, that rang true as well. It has been an affirming and encouraging read on this journey. If you want to read the poem, you can find it online.

In other news, we spent a weekend away for our 4th anniversary. It was very nice to splurge a little on the hotel and relax. We checked out some of the local farmer's markets and bought a few things. We went to the theatre to see a play with my parents. 4 YEARS - WOW!

P.S. I've logged back in just to share a site that contains an infertility video I found that was created to help family and friends understand what the infertility journey is like. It was created by Susan Robinson. Check it out using this link. http://www.tearsandhope.com/

Artsy Corner - Bright and Cheery Quilts

I'm feeling a little crafty today (and I'm procrastinating doing house cleaning), so I thought I'd post some quilts that I've made. The first in one (blue and yellow with animals) I made for my nephew when he was born. The second one (triangles of bright colours) I finished last year and the third one (blue, green, and yellow with the giraffe) I am still in the process of quilting. My mother-in-law taught me how to quilt. While I've been off work, I've been working on this third one. I figure I might as well make some quilts for the babies I hope to have one day. (That's hopeful thinking - right!?!) I figure when I actually do have children, I won't have extra time to be quilting. They are bright and cheery quilts - which is what I need on days like today.

~ Patiently Waiting

Tired of Patiently Waiting

Well, the chairs didn't go quite as planned. We had hoped to get one totally finished, but ran into some trickier parts and ran out of time. They are definately improved for the better, even though they're far from useable yet. - A project to finish another day. We had a nice time together, mom and I.

I am dying to start this next IUI cycle! It seems like it is taking forever to get there. I wanted this cycle to be done before I head back to full time work. That would just make things easier and less stressful. (I also so badly wanted to be pregnant heading back to work.) While of course I know I'll hope - hope - hope this cycle will work this time, right now I don't feel so hopeful.

~ Tired of Patiently Waiting and tired of walking this often seemingly lonely path...

A Project to Take My Mind Off of TTC

My mom called yesterday and came for a 3 day last minute visit! This is great! We have started a project.

My husband and I picked up two unique looking chairs at the side of the road one day almost 3 years ago. They are so cool! I'll try to add a picture here. One was ripped apart and the other was still in its original condition; however, the legs were painted green and the seats were a turquoise vinyl - believe it or not! Anyhow we've started them and I hope by the end of the day I'll have a new picture to put up here of one of them finished.

Yippie....only 3 years later! (I bought all the stuff to reupholster them last year and am glad to be using it before the fabric I chose goes out of style.) Thankfully, someone had started to rip one of them apart so it saved us some work! Talk about staples!!!

Before -

I don't mind the green on the legs, but with turquoise???

Check back later to see the finished product!

~ Patiently Waiting

Happy 101 Award

Thanks to Beckie at Beckie's Infertility Journey, I've been given the Happy 101 Award. I'm supposed to list 10 things that make my day and pass the award onto 10 people. However, I'm not too sure how to pass it on, but I'll try.

10 things that make my day:
1. A chai tea latte
2. Having a clean and tidy office - or any room in the house
3. A phone call from my 3 year old nephew, who after leaving a message says she's not home, but I'll call my uncle (who shares the same phone # as me). :)
4. Snow Days - unexpected days off of work
5. Seeing new flowers come up in the garden or observing my houseplants have grown
6. Having a good deep-hearted laugh
7. Listening to music and belting it out while driving by myself on the highway
8. Mail - I love getting snail mail and now lately, blog comments
9. Eating dinner out with my husband
10. Spending time with my nieces or nephew

I think I've figured it out how to pass it on...
People I'd like to pass the award onto are:
1. Rebekah at Heart Cries
2. Michelle at Bloggin INSTYLE
3. Tori at Fertility Wishes and BFP Dreams
4. Noelle at the Desire of My Heart
5. Babies Everywhere...But None That Call Me Mama
6. A + B, Waiting for C
7. Esperanza at A Tale (of the trials and tribulations) of Trying
8. Hillary at Making Me Mom

I'm afraid I'm a new blogger, so I only have 8 people to pass it onto.

~ PatientlyWaiting

Thinking Ahead...

Well, yesterday I went swimming for my workout then my friend and I decided to stay for auqua fit, which was funny and great! I feel proud of myself - just have to drag myself back to the gym this afternoon too.

We saw our doctor this week and decided to take one more try at an IUI before I go back to full-time work. Then I think we'll take a little break until the summer then either more IUIs or move onto IVF (possibly?). In the meantime, we're really going to try to eat healthier and exercise more. We've read protein is important for PCOS so I've been eating nuts regularly and having a boiled egg, yogurt with fruit, and veggies for lunches this week. Trying to start good habits. Trying to avoid: sugar, other white stuff, less carbs - like bread, and junk food.

I will start back to half-time work in later this month and full time next month. I'm nervous about going back because I don't know what to tell people when approached with questions about my time off or how I'm doing. I think I'll have to be proactive and make a good statement to the staff so I don't get asked lots of individual questions from people even though I know they'll be from concerned people. The staff knows that I'm dealing with infertility, but not the rest of the community. I also don't know what to tell my students. They are old enough you can't just slip stuff over their heads without questions be asked. Hmmm...I've got a little more time to be comfortable with that one. I feel a little more relieved to have a date I'm going back as I was dreading having those conversations with my boss.

Now, I just need to continue getting well....in so many ways!
I'm dying to get this IUI process started this month!

Has anyone heard of the magazine "Creating Families" (Canadian Magazine of Reproductive Health) through IAAC? I have been able to pick them up at our clinic and they have had encouraging and useful articles in there for people dealing with IF. Check out the resource online if you like.

Longing and Longing and Begging...

I held a friend's newborn baby last night. He is so beautiful and tiny! While I am glad for them and thankful he's here and healthy, I struggle with thoughts of why they have been given 4 children and I'm just dying for 1. I think it makes it harder that a lot of people I know who are younger than me have "full families" already by my age or younger. (I know, we're a family already, just the two of us - and our two international university students that live with us.) With big smiles, I have referred to them as "our kids" before even though they are adults. :) We do treat them like family, though.

In some respects, I am starting to feel a little better than I was a month ago. It just depends on the day. (I guess I'm also not hopped up on crazy hormones right now either.) I still have a long way to grow though. We meet with our doctor this week to talk about what is next.

I just came back from the gym. I had been generally doing 2 workouts a week and now I'm going to try for 3 plus walks on other days. It's good once I get there and I always feel better, but it's just hard to get there sometimes. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Since being off work, I have began to enjoy cooking. It's been a long time since I could say that. I've tried 11 recipes now from the "Crazy Plates" cookbook. I've really enjoyed it. I've even made lists of things for recipes I need when I go shopping, which I never do! Imagine that! Anyhow...that's brought some joy to my days.

I just wanted to say thanks to my first commenter and follower! :) Your comment brightened my day.

Although lots of people I'm close to know what we're going through, I'm not comfortable with posting my blog to everyone I know, so I am hopeful to meet some fellow bloggers who know what I'm going through and maybe I can even encourage someone else in their walk.
Still longing...somewhat patiently today, at least.
~ Patiently Waiting