Well, I start my next round of shots tomorrow as we prepare for another IUI. Now that I know they can be cancelled part way through (like last time), it gives me one more thing to worry about. I was really eager to start this round earlier in the month, but my cycle took so long, even with medication to bring it on. So, now we're starting just when I have to start back to work part-time. I am still hoping we squeeze the actual IUI in before I head back to work full-time. That would just make everything so much easier and less stressful with arranging a supply teacher, etc.
The other night, I hung out with a friend while my husband went to play hockey with her husband. I so appreciated her listening ear and the questions she thoughtfully and caringly asked. At the end, she prayed for me - a real heartfelt prayer - and at the end asked God for healing. It was so meaningful and since then, I have received more peace. She truly showed God's love in a real, intentional, and focused way and was a shoulder to cry on that lonely me needed. She even cried with me, which means so much. Thank you.
I've just felt lonely of late - especially since my mom's visit. Yes, I have other family and friends who know and support me - one of my girlfriends has called at least every other day if not every day some days when I've been at my lowest. That has meant a lot too, because I know she is so busy with her own family with 3 little ones. Two of my co-workers have taken me out twice to hang out, which was so thoughtful. I guess I just feel lonely because I know all of these people care and understand, but they aren't walking in my shoes. I just wish I could connect with someone in real life - who is going through what we are right now. I haven't felt like calling people, but I do long to hang out with others. I just haven't had the energy to initiate social outings these last few months.
A book I wanted to mention that I have found helpful as I struggle through this journey is called H.annah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss, by Jennifer S.aake. I am almost finished it. The other day I was reading and came across one of the author's prayers that spoke to me as what I should be praying and seeking God for. There was also a poem by R.ussell K.elfer called Wait, that rang true as well. It has been an affirming and encouraging read on this journey. If you want to read the poem, you can find it online.
In other news, we spent a weekend away for our 4th anniversary. It was very nice to splurge a little on the hotel and relax. We checked out some of the local farmer's markets and bought a few things. We went to the theatre to see a play with my parents. 4 YEARS - WOW!
P.S. I've logged back in just to share a site that contains an infertility video I found that was created to help family and friends understand what the infertility journey is like. It was created by Susan Robinson. Check it out using this link. http://www.tearsandhope.com/
I'm sorry that you're feeling lonely. That is such a horrible feeling, especially when you know you have people you can turn to, but they just don't fit the bill somehow. I remember when I was dealing with my ectopic I felt like nobody IRL understood how I felt. I also felt like I was thinking about my loss all the time but couldn't talk about it, so I had to work so hard to think of other things to say. That can be so exhausting. I know just what you mean that you wish you had IRL friends who are walking a similar journey. That would be really wonderful. I hope you can find someone like that. In the meantime, you can find people like that on their blogs and hopefully that will provide some of the support you need.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the poem mention called "Wait." I looked it up and it was very appropriate. The "Empty Arms" video makes me want to cry as well.
ReplyDeleteI pray for you that they won't cancel the IUI and I hope it's successful. I'm glad there are people you can lean on, but know how it is to feel lonely at the same time. I'm thinking of you.
I loved the book Hannah's Hope too! I should get that back out and re-read it on days when I'm feeling extra emotional. ;)
ReplyDeleteSo glad your friend was such a help! I have a friend like that too, and she's amazing, but she also has two adorable little kids. I would love to know someone (in person) who is walking through this too! (You don't live in Michigan, by any chance, do you?)
I'll be hoping for both our IUIs!
HUGS!
thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. i really appreciate it! and you're like my first follower! i checked out the video clip you mentioned. it was hard to watch but good. might share it with specific friends too...
ReplyDeletetotally get you... this is a lonely road and some days it really plain ol sucks. i hope you are finding more friends out there, like me, via the blog and hp forums. will be thinking of you as you start your new cycle.